Sunday, May 31, 2020

Introducing the Buddy Bones 64-Mile Triathlon

June the 2nd? 

It's my birthday. I turn 64 years old that day. For the past several years, eight to be exact, I have celebrated each year by swimming the Chicot Challenge. This year, due to a global pandemic, Chicot has been rescheduled for September 26.

How do you feel about that?

Moving the swim left me with an empty spot inside. I don't want to start a new tradition of doing nothing on a day that pushes me closer to old age and the grave. So my mind began to wander and wonder. It does that from time to time. It wandered from a pool swim to a long run to a monster gym session to a personal triathlon. It stayed on the triathlon. I'll do a 64-mile triathlon, I thought. And the more I pondered it the more I settled in on the challenge.

Plan?

The plan goes like this. Penny takes me and my bicycle to Twin Rivers where I will swim a mile-- starting a bit before 8:00 a.m-- transition, and then head out Money Road for a little cycle. Out on the road, I plan to ride for 50 miles ending at the Hideout. There I will transition, and then attempt to shuffle for 13.1 miles.

The bicycle course?

I already told you Money Road. Of course you may be aware that Money Road ends at Highway 8 only 18 miles from Greenwood. I may turn around and do some turn backs or side roads. Or I might ride Highway 8. I will probably go east on 8 past Philipp and then back. I can stop at the store there and access some nutrition.

The run course? 

Right now I am thinking of zigging and zagging through north Greenwood in an attempt to stay in the shade as much as possible. I know that is a lot of zigging. I can always head out Money Road if the weather turns off cool or I think I can handle it. But there is no shade out there and with a GPS watch I can make it up as I go. I think I'll spend a bit of time on the river bank, in the shade of the Yazoo River Trail. That will keep me out of the sun.

Time? 

Slow, very slow. The only part I plan to push is the swim. That is my real super power. I'll have a go at swimming well, attempt to do the 50 mile bike with as little fatigue as possible, and then survive a slow run that will probably take me three hours or more. In all, it will likely take me eight hours to complete the race.

Race you say?

Well, sort of. I will, in my mind, be racing Randy Beets and some other jerks, jerks who need to be humbled. The nice thing about doing these solo events is that if you finish, you always win. I like to win.

Reason?

Do we really want to go there? Yes, I want to show out. Of course, I like physical challenges. And true, this will help form the fitness base that I will swim Chicot on this September. Maybe I can use it to kick off the fund raising for the Diabetes Foundation of Mississippi. Besides all that, it will give me something to do.

Name?

I'm calling it the Buddy Bones 64-Mile Triathlon after my good buddy Buddy Bones. He is the only one who will do this sort of thing with me.

So it's a sure thing?

Nothing is a sure thing. But I plan to do it.

How will we know? Some of us want to know.

I'll make a few posts on Facebook. Stay tuned.

What? No Training?

Saturday was a super busy day. I hoped that I might get some kind of training in, but no it was not meant to be. Our daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren came over from Cleveland, and we spent the day moving some furniture to the Hideout. We had a big box truck that we filled up twice. My son-in-law is a super trooper. There is not a lazy bone in his body and he worked hard, fast, and smart. Thank you, Paul.

So I did no swimming. I did no running. I did no riding. I did no lifting. Well, I did lift but it was furniture. Next week, I hope to get back on the straight and narrow. Thank you, Jesus.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

One or Two

Everything is all mixed up right now. Penny and I are back and forth to the Hideout so much that my schedule is non-scheduled. Friday I did one or two workouts. 

Huh? 

Yeah, depends on how you count them. I guess it was actually one, a brick. I did my first brick of the year.

What's a brick?

A brick is a piece of triathlon jargon that refers to a combination bicycle ride and run. You take a ride and then get off the bike and run.

So what is the big deal?

It's not easy running off the bicycle. You hip flexors are tight, your legs are tired, and your legs are tired in a non-running way. The quads are pretty much blown out while everything else is OK. So when you start running, it feels odd, it feels bad, and you feel foolish.

That bad?

Usually. Depends a lot on how far and how hard you ride. You get better with the transition the more times you do it.

Well, how did it go?

For my first brick of the season, it was not too bad. I cycled out Money Road turning around at 11.4 miles. On the way back, I heard a racket and looked back to see a John Deere tractor gaining on me. I went to the big chain ring on the front, picket up some speed, and when he came around, I up shifted in the back and latched on.

Latched on?

So to speak. I got behind him and drafted him all the way to town.

Does that really make a difference?

Huge. That sped me up about three-miles per hour and the effort went way down.

Isn't that dangerous?

In my mind, it is safer than riding alone.

How do you figure?

No one in a car is going to hit me all long as they have to hit the tractor too. 

What if he stops quickly?

Have you ever seen a tractor stop quickly?

*shrug

You have to pay attention. The biggest danger is something in the road. You can't see the road so you could hit a pot hole or an object lying there. But it is not a reckless activity. I don't do reckless activities.

OK. Where did you ride from?

The Hideout. My first ride from the Hideout and my first brick from the Hideout.

The run. Tell me about the run.

It was not too bad. My pace was about as slow as usual. I went 3.06 miles, my short course from over there.

What else did you do?

Move stuff. I did not swim. I did not lift, except furniture. The FBI allowed Sheila to come back by and I thought, two women and a truck, lets move stuff. So I went to Bowie, got the box truck and we went to Monroe and loaded it.

The whole truck.

Yes. Sheila is very strong. And she works hard. She sweats like a trooper and never complains. She even brought us a gift when she arrived. She is one of my favorite people in all the world.

And Simon, did Simon work?

He did, but the high-tech security fence is coming along slowly. But it is happening. I am happy as long as things are happening.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you. And thank you, Jesus.

Friday, May 29, 2020

Visitor at the Hideout

The Hideout was a bustle of activity all day Thursday. After opening up for Simon, I went to Home Front, bought, hauled, and unloaded some more of those special boards for the fence. A little after that, the cable man came, but he only did one installation. I have to call back for another appointment to get the other cables run. Who knew? 

Penny spent a good deal of the day on the phone with AT&T. Thanks to her longsuffering determination to get our WiFi working, I am typing this at the Hideout.

I was supposed to meet John at the big pool at 9:30. On a hunch I called him to see how late he was going to be. He was asleep. With so much to do, I left without a swim. I went back to the Hideout and took a short shuffle going 3.06 miles. I now have a route for that.

Next, I mowed the lawn at our Witness Protection Program place. Then I took down some of that tacky cable wire that Direct TV had put all over the outside of the house. I also did some raking in the backyard. Thanks to Simon clearing a small jungle back there to make room for the fence, we have an additional eight feet of yard.

Simon finally started putting up fencing boards on the security fence. This is a special fence that is bullet proof, fire proof, bomb proof, has a laser that will shoot down drones, and has electronic detection software installed that will prevent us from being cyber spied on.

Then we had a visitor. Of course, she had to be vetted by the FBI. They investigated her, cleared her for a visit, but still patted her down for weapons and scanned her for electronics before she could enter the house. She has to remain anonymous so I can't mention her name. Thank you for the visit, Sheila. You made our day.

After all of that, Penny and I made another haul of stuff, mostly yard stuff. Then we went to KFC for some pick up supper. I had no internet access to watch YouTube like I usually do so I had to watch regular TV.

It was a impressively productive day. Thank you, Jesus. 

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Wednesday

Wednesday started early with me being in True Value in Grenada at 7:00 a.m. Already I told you about the shortage of treated wood brought on by Corona. I went over there the get a load of decking boards. I was back at the Hideout and unloading by 8:00 a.m.

Penny was in and out. I took a short shuffle somewhere around 10:00 doing a mere 3.06 miles. The weather, which started out rainy and was predicted to stay that way all day, had turned clear and warm, perfect for Simon to make some progress on the fence. 

After lunch, I met John at the pool. He was late. After being out for three months, you would think he could be on time. But no. I guess he wants to show he is the king and every one has to wait on him. I had swum 1,500 by the time he got there. Then kids and lifeguards showed up so we left. They are starting to teach swim lessons and despite having two pools now, we are running into snags. I only got 2,800 in before we abdicated the water.

I had hoped to ride, but when I made my way back to the Hideout, I discovered that Simon needed some more concrete mix. I went to Home Front and while there I found out that they had more decking boards in stock so I bought a load, a load being forty-five boards. I hauled them over and unloaded and stacked them in the back. That gives us 177 boards, enough to keep Simon busy for a while. It looks like he will start putting up the boards Thursday.

A lot is going on right now, and I am trying to keep training as much as possible. Like happens and it is certainly happening now. Thank you, Jesus, for all the good changes and the training that I am still getting done.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Tuesday

Tuesday started with me unlocking the gate at the Hideout and then heading to Home Front to get more lumber. There is currently a shortage of treated lumber. When Simon and I hauled supplies Saturday, we got all the 4 X 4s, 2 X 4s, screws, nails, and concrete mix we needed. We also hauled in 70 pieces of decking for the fence. We need 300 pieces of decking. At Homefront, I was given a lecture on the shortage. Allegedly COVID-19 is responsible for this also. People being quarantined got to looking at their fences and decks and started calling carpenters and having repairs made. Huh? Who woulda thunk that. I woulda thunk that wood yards being shut down was responsible.

I was told that there were only 20 pieces on the lot. I bought them only to find out that the real number was 17. So I got all they had and went back to the Hideout. That gives us 87 pieces of the needed 300.

After unloaded and moving trash to the road, I went for a run. I shuffled for 4.1 miles. My legs were really flat from the seven miler and the squats from the day before. Penny is off work and she was in and out all morning. After the run, I did some calling around looking for more decking boards. I found some in Grenada so I set my mind to get up Wednesday morning and make the trip there to haul back all my truck will safely carry.

After lunch I met John at the pool. What? Yeah, John is back. Of course he immediately began trying to reschedule my whole life. This might get ugly. I am too busy and under too much stress for him to try to manipulate me right now. Of course I told him about things going on at the Hideout. He instantly started telling me what I need to do. If you ever read of me being arrested for assault, this will be why. You can deal with something for weeks, months, years, consult experts, think intently, weight the options, start working a plan, and when someone in the Delta hears thirty seconds of it, they have all the answers and tell you what to do. Listen people. Shut up. Keep your advice to yourself. You might mean well, but have you ever thought of how patronizing it is to hear a few seconds of something some else is neck deep in and then think you know it all?

I swam

500 warm up 9:42
500 first 100 fast 9:01
500 second 100 fast 8:53
500 third 100 fast 8:57
500 fourth 100 fast 8:51
400 easy
total: 2,900 yards =2,650 meters

Brian and still out of pocket and I decided I had no time to ride. Instead, I went back to Plate City and lifted doing both push and pull. I decided that instead of resetting, I would try my density bench press workout again. I pressed

5 X 82
5 X 102
6 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127 (I did the 127s in 6:55)
5 X 122 incline
8 X 107 incline

I did some triceps push downs, some Swim Pulls, and some seated rows.

So I did three workouts and a lot of work at the Hideout. It was a productive day. Thank you, Jesus.

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Productive Day

Things are hopping at the Hideout. Simon has started on the fence. First he had to clear bushes and brush, enough refuse to fill a trailer truck. Then he laid out the lines and set the corner posts. Then to set the other posts he had to dig and chop and cut roots. But it is happening and that makes me happy. He says he will finish this week.

Penny is off work and she is hauling stuff over like a good, strong woman. I made a couple of small loads, moved some brush to the street, then went for a run. I shuffled for 7.1 miles. This week, the running will lighten each day. I'll tell you why in a later post. After the run, I worked legs at Plate City Strongman. I did squats, leg curls, and my patented drop set on the leg extension.

I went to the pool after lunch and swam

2,650 52:22
 1350 22:36
  850 medium paddles 16:06
  350 back 8:29
  650 fr/back 10:53
 total: 5,750 yards = 5,255 meters

That gave me my three workouts. I thought about riding, but I was too tired. Brian did not text. I remembered later that he is out of pocket all week so it I ride, I will have to do it on my own.

It was a productive day. Thank you, Jesus.

Monday, May 25, 2020

5/18 - 5/24

Last week was a solid block of training. It was not a 20/20 week. I missed a couple of swims because of things going on at the Hideout. I did, however, resume bicycle riding so the aerobics went through the roof.

Monday I ran 6.05 miles, stroked 5,000 yards in a straight swim, and lifted weights. Tuesday is when the cycling started. I shuffled 3.03 miles, swam 3,100 yards, and rode after Brian Waldrup texted me and asked me if I wanted a spin. O'Ryan Patterson, a cycling newbie, rode with us. I understand that he is a product of MDCC and a chef at Giardinia's. We went 17.03 miles, and when I got home, I hit Plate City for my second weight session of the week.

Wednesday I ran from the Hideout, then did my leg session of five sets of squats and some extensions there. Later I swam 5,600 yards, and Brian and I rode again this time, however, we only went ten miles. We were both tired from Tuesday.

Thursday, we were back at it, cycling 20.54 miles. First, however, I shuffled a super short 1.51 miles and swam 4,600 yards. When I got home from the biking, it was too late to lift. I could have, but I take West Nile more seriously than I take Corona. I don't go outside at night and let mosquitoes bite me.

Friday I kept things simple. I ran. I told Brian Thursday that I was out. I wanted, needed a long run. Friday is normally when I do that. I shuffled 11.1 miles. It was terribly slow. Really, some of my miles were slower than my walking pace. I could have literally started walking and sped up. But I did it and it should be good for my running endurance. That effort left little time or energy for anything else.

Saturday I neither swam nor lifted. I did, however, ride with Brian. When we got ready to go, I noticed the wind was howling out of the south. I texted him that information and he decided we should go one way, north, and have his wife, Tonya, pick us up at the end of Money Road. That's what we did and if felt great to go really fast on the bicycle. I know what you are thinking. You think that wasn't worth much because we got help from the wind. Actually, you will ride much harder with a tail wind. It's like motor pacing, riding behind a car. You will work much harder because the speed gooses you up into an effort you just won't give at slower speeds.

For the week, I

swam only 16,722 meters,
ran 24.71 miles, 
lifted weights four times, and 
cycled 66.04 miles.

That's good training right there. I don't care who you are. Thank you, Jesus, for a week of life and a week of strong training.

Sunday, May 24, 2020

My Third Favorite Memory of Mom

For Mother's Day, I recently wrote a piece about my second favorite memory of my mother. Something happened recently that got me thinking along this line again, and I did not want to wait until Mother's Day of 2021 to share it. I saw a picture. I was going through an envelope my sister had given me, one filled with pictures of me. She had gathered these when we cleaned out Mom's house. In that batch of pictures, I found this.

From left to right: My younger sister, Carol,
my older sister, Helen, and the real
cowboy, Zane. Quinton was not
even a twinkle in my mom's
eye at this point.
This image warmed my heart, flooded me with memories, and an overloaded my feelings. Maybe you can tell that I was a cowboy. At that time TV programming was dominated by cowboy shows, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Palatin, The Rifleman, Bonanza, The Big Valley, Rawhide, and others, many others. All the kids on Harding Street played cowboys and Indians constantly.

Notice the jeans. Momma had to buy those. Notice the boots (well you can't see them but I had them on). Momma had to buy those. Notice the six gun on the hip. Momma had to buy that. Notice the rope. Mom had to give me that. Notice the jacket. Momma had to buy that. Notice the bandanna around the neck. Momma had to buy that. Notice the hat. Momma had to buy that.

Somewhere around this time, I had a birthday. I might have turned five, I guess. I remember Mom asking me what I wanted as a gift. I told her I wanted a gun that went like this, and I moved my right hand up and down. I didn't know how to verbalize my desire, and she didn't know how to interpret my attempt. What I wanted was a lever action rifle because that is what the cowboys on TV used.

She took me on a trip to try to find what I wanted. That's a momma. Although it has been almost sixty years, I am sure we went to Carrollton Avenue, a block or two west of the Crystal Grill. We went inside a store that had plate glass windows as big as the sky. The store was huge and if you cleared it out, you could have played a football game in there. The ceiling must have been eighty feet high. On the west side of the store-- I am sure of that-- we found one. We found a lever action rife, a cap gun. That was what I wanted, and Mom made it happen. 

Only a few years ago, I asked Mom if she remembered that birthday/shopping trip. I wanted to check my memory, if it was really on Carrollton Avenue and the rifle was on the west wall. What was the name of the store? If any of you readers remember the store, please leave a comment below.

She did not remember. I wasn't surprised. It was just another day in her life, but for me it was huge. Momma took my gibberish, tried to interpret, and when she couldn't she went the extra mile to make sure her little cowboy was properly outfitted. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Jesus, for letting me be born to Jo Ann Hodge.

Hopping at the Hideout

Saturday, things got to hopping at the Hideout. Friday the man who did the slab came up with a price on the fence. I already had a price on the fence and told the guy to go ahead. That was three weeks ago. I have not hear a word from him. Simon wanted to start Saturday so I told him to go ahead. We both hauled supplies most of the morning. Homefront does not deliver on Saturday. The two of us hauled three truck loads each. We unloaded and stacked on the slab for Simon's convenience next week. Things are happening again, and I am happy.

Of course none of this bode well for my training. I took a ride with Brian in the late afternoon. We had planned to go twenty-five miles, but the wind was howling out of the south so we rode to Highway 8 and his wife, Tonya, picked us up. My watch was on Run Mode, but I did enough math in my head to figure we were, at one point, going twenty-two miles per hour. I know what you are thinking. If I can't take pen and paper and get closer than twenty pounds on the bar at Plate City, how could I possibly do enough math in my head to convert minutes per mile into miles per hour. Well, it doesn't take a socket rientist to realize that four minutes per mile is fifteen miles per hour. Three minutes per miles is twenty. So half way in 17.5. At one point we were going at a pace of 2:31 per mile. I call that twenty-two miles per hour. Prove me wrong. 

That was real. That was fun. That was real fun. It's always enjoyable to go fast on a bicycle.

I needed to lift but I was beat by the time I got home from the ride. I did a set of air squats before I took a bath. That was the best I could do. Still, it capped a big week. Thank you, Jesus.

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Why Motorists Hate Cyclists

It has long puzzled me as to why motorists hate cyclists. Certainly, most motorist treat cyclist with respect and exercise caution when passing them. There are enough drivers, however, who do not treat cyclists as worthy of life to make riding a bicycle for an adult a dangerous enterprise. Why is that? 

It is not just a Mississippi thing. It is not just an American thing. I have read articles about the problem in Australia and England. So I assume if it is not a worldwide thing. If not a worldwide thing, it is a developed nation attitude. Some development, huh?

I'll spare you the dozens of anecdotes I could provide showing how drivers apparently get angry at the sight of an adult on a bicycle. What follows is my latest musings on the subject prompted in part by my last long run out Money Road. I can remember when running produced some pretty strong negative reactions from drivers. Now, not so much. Times have changed in that regard. Will they ever change with the public's attitude towards cyclists? I can't answer that but can only hope it will.

I have noticed that motorist are very nice to me when I run out Money Road. Normally, they move over the entire lane, if no oncoming traffic prevents it. I always wave, shake my head yes, and mouth "Thank you." What a contrast this is from riding a bicycle. On two wheels instead of two feet, car drivers are angry at your mere presence. I never figured this out and apparently neither have they. When questioned about why they hate cyclists, the answers usually go like this: 1) cyclists are arrogant. This one always confused me. How can a person riding a twenty-pound bicycle possible express arrogance to a person driving a 3,000 pound car? Really, tell me how that works. Another reason given is that 2) that bicyclists take up the whole road. This one also confuses me because I have never seen that happen, and as with the arrogance thing, it is an impossibility. Also, I have read complaints in the Greenwood Commonwealth that 3) cyclist wear dark clothing. This one is also not true because no one manufactures dark cycling gear, and no cyclist with an IQ of ten would wear it if they did. 

In addition, I have read that cyclist in our dear town of Greenwood 4) ride three abreast. I am one of the cyclist in the group that gets accused of this. I wonder how someone has seen this when I never have. I have NEVER seen cyclists three abreast except in Bikes, Blues [,] & Bayous where it is a necessity. And twice on the night before Bikes, Blues [,] & Bayous while dining out with my wife, I have overheard patrons at the next table complaining about cyclists. Their controversy with their fellow man on two wheels? 5) Cyclists don't have insurance or pay taxes. That last one is such an outrage that it belies belief almost. But with my own ears, I heard it two years in a row by two different groups.

If you are reading this and are not a cyclist, please remember a few things. One, the person on that bicycle is a human being who loves others and is loved by others. Two, we are simply out trying to get some exercise and have a little fun. As Richard Beatty once wrote, "We are your neighbors and friends." Three, we mean you no harm. We are not trying to slow you down, add to your stress, or shame you because of your lack of activity. That latter issue, is what I suspect is really behind the hostility to adult bicycle riders. I can't prove it, but I can prove that all the answers ever provided to the question about why drivers hate cyclists are patently false. So something else must be the cause. If our presence on the road makes you feel bad, please don't take it out on us. Take a walk instead. That is something almost everyone can do and it is good for both you body and soul.

Down to Two

I went to the Hideout Friday morning. Nothing was happening there so I went then back to Plate City Gym where I did a huge weight session. Since I missed Thursday's lifting, I doubled up. One of the things on the agenda was my density training on the bench press. I warmed up and then got set to do the eight sets. I hoped to do one extra rep and cut five seconds off the time. On the first set I thought, man this feels heavy. I did two reps and I knew I could not do the workout as planned.

What was wrong? Had I lost that much strength because I was only benching once per week now? Or had I missed figured last week and been pushing only 117 when I thought it was 127? I decided the answer was yes. I pulled five pounds off the bar and did three reps. Determined to get a workout despite my disappointing strength, I pulled another five pounds and did five reps. I kept going this way until I was doing decent reps, and I was able to do the math in my head and realized that I had started at 147. No wonder it felt heavy. And how could I miss count so badly? I even used pen and paper and still managed to miss it by forty pounds! I have a genius for stupidity.

So what now? Will I try to count right and do it again next week? Will I go back to benching twice per week? I am not sure, but I'll do something. I did ten sets of bench presses and several sets of lat pull downs and some Swim Pulls. Then I took nutrition, loaded my truck with weights to go to Plate City Strongman, and headed over. The carpenter was supposed to meet me there with a price on some more work. I unloaded about four hundred pounds of plates but did not see the carpenter. So I went home and prepared for my long shuffle.

I went out Money Road on the hottest day of the year thus far. It hit 90, but I had some wind which helped greatly, and a few cloud overs kept me from overheating. I shuffled 11.1 miles and the pace was truly pathetic. Some miles were slower than walking pace. No joke. But I kept shuffling until I finished to run. 

So I only did two workouts, a big weight session and a long run. It was real. It was good. I'm not sure,, however, that it was real good. Thank you, Jesus.

Friday, May 22, 2020

New Info on Joseph Pelotoni

I thought we knew everything that could be discovered about Joseph Pelotoni, the Italian immigrant who lived in the Delta and tried to promote cycling here in the late 40s, 50s, and early 60s. Somehow his name came up the last time Jay Unver was interviewing me. When he told me that Pelotoni had lived in Lehrton, you could have knocked me over with a cooked spaghetti noodle. 

I made him swear on his mother's grave that he was telling me the truth. He said he was researching something for Dr. Nomann and found some old tax records that showed that in 1955, Pelotoni had a business in downtown Lehrton. He had a bicycle shop/cafe/bait shop.

"Wait, wait," I stopped him. "He had three businesses?"

"One building. He had a bicycle shop on one side, some minnows and crickets on the other, and a griddle behind the counter."

"You're not joshing me?"

"No. And what is even better, I learned about his menu. He sold a . . ."

"Chitterlings Sandwich, or Chitlin sanwich as we would say around here," I finished his sentence.

"How did you know?" he seemed genuinely surprised.

"it's been so long since I found that out that I can't remember. Seems like he once had a cafe in Winona and was famous for that."

"Did you know about the other one?"

"Other one what?" he had me lassoed with curiosity. 

"His best selling item was his pig-ear taco."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, he deep fried a pig ear and filled it with ground beef, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. Every Saturday night, Greasy Street was filled with the smell of frying pig ears."

I was so stunned that my chin was on my chest, and I could not speak. I gnat flew into my open mouth, hit the back of my throat, and gagged me.

"They say it was really good. Some people ate the whole thing; some people only used the pig ear to pour the contents into their mouth." He was trying to stop me from gagging.

I tried to speak but I couldn't. Then his phone rang while I was doubled over about to lose breakfast. It was Dr. Nomann. Unver had to leave right then. He was gone, and I could ask no more questions, but when I get my chance, I'll fire away.

Verdict

Verdict
By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) Dr. Nomann, President and CEO of Big ASS Endurance, handed out Randy Beets' punishment this morning without a trial. When counsel for Beets protested punishment without a trial, Nomann noted that "this is not a court of law and that Beets' admission of three felonies, even if he was lying for effect on his rival Zane Hodge, is a violation of Association policy and worthy of sentencing." 

Nomann then proceeded to announce Beets' punishment as follows.

1. When pools reopen in Beets' area, he is prohibited from swimming for three days

2. Beets is not allowed to run for four days after quarantine is lifted in his town

3. Beets must vacate one victory over Hodge from their Virtual Swim Meet Series

4. Beets will not receive his gift card to Jimmy's Used Swim Jammers for the 2021 season

5. Beets will be fined one can of potted meat from his 2021 salary 

6. Any change Beets picks up from the bottom of a pool once training legally resumes, must be paid to Big ASS Endurance.

When Counsel for Beets questioned the fine of one can of potted meat, "Why not have him pay it now instead of in 2021, Nomann responded that, "The fine is intended to be punitive, not to have You, Counsel, go to the store and buy and can of potted meat and give it to me."

With that, Nomann admonished both athletes to behave and conduct themselves in a manner that would bring honor to the Association," and dismissed the proceedings.

Down to Three

I tried but only got three workouts done Thursday. Work has ground to a halt at the Hideout. I went over, took a few things, and left. I had to mow the front lawn at home. I did that and took a very short shuffle (1.5 miles). 

After lunch, I went to the pool where I was supposed to meet John. I thought he would not show because he had not called six times to confirm it. Really, he calls three times a day to make sure we are still on. His "make sure" calls offend me because it says to me he doesn't believe me. When I question his unnecessary calls, that offends him. We set this up Tuesday so when he did not call, I was thinking, maybe he finally realized that for the last six years when I say I am going to do something and be somewhere at a certain time, I always do. He didn't show and he hasn't called since so maybe I can do things when I want to today. I swam

1,000 19:37
200 3:01
1,000 19:31
200 3:04
1,000 19:23
200 3:12
1,000 19:39
total: 4,600 yards = 4,204 meters.

After the swim, I changed clothes, bought gas, and waited on Brian. We went to Money and rode 20.54 miles. That made three, but by the time I got home it was 7:30. That is too late. I don''t hang out with mosquitoes. I just don't.

Thank you, Jesus, for a good day. Help things to get back on track at the Hideout.

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Four More

Nothing happened at the Hideout Wednesday. I went over and took my run from there. After the run, I did legs at Plate City Strongman. After five sets of squats, I did three sets of leg curls and a huge drop set on the leg extension. I loaded the bar with five pound plates and after a set of 21, I pulled off a five and did ten more reps. After those ten reps, I pulled a five and did ten more. And after that, well, you get the picture. I went all the way to the bottom then hobbled my way back to the truck and went home for lunch.

With two workouts in the books, I headed for the pool after my noon meal settled a bit. I swam

2,600 50:29
1,300 tt 21:26 negative split
800 medium paddles 14:40
300 back 4:14
600 free/back with small paddles 12:34
total: 5,600 yards = 5,118 meters.

That was three workouts. Brian and I had plans for number four, a bicycle ride. We went to Money and cycled the Sunnyside Road but we stopped when we got back to the truck after only 10.3 miles. That was enough. Neither one of us is in cycle shape, but we are started. Half the battle is getting started. The other ninety percent is sticking with it.

So that made two days in a row with four workouts. What is Randy Beets doing? Probably crying saying, "It's not fair. It's not fair." Thank you, Jesus, for some good training in the midst of a good life.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Four

No you didn't.

I did. 

I don't believe you.

Really, I did. Four workouts in one day. I think that is a record for me. At least I don't remember doing that before.

Tell me about it.

Thanks, I will. First, I went to the Hideout and opened the gate so the carpenter could start work. He was taking the form boards off the slab, re-sweeping it, and cleaning up the wood and stacking it so I can use it to make shelves out of. Wow. Who would of thunk that. He even fixed the ruts the concrete truck made.

Sounds like a good man.

He is. He even shows up when he says he will.

Who is this guy?

Simon Quarels. The only negative about him is he talks a lot. But a lot of people do that.

The workouts. Tell me about the workouts.

OK. First I ran.

From the Hideout?

Yes. I even did a new route. I ran over the Poplar Street Bridge and over Keesler Bridge.

And?

And what?

How far?

Oh. Three miles.

Even?

Never. You should know me well enough to know that I always want a little change. With some change on each run, you can flip up another mile by the end of the week.

How much, you dumb butt?

I ran 3.03 miles.

Not much change.

Then I went to lunch early, and to the pool around 12:30. The water was still cloudy but better. I swam

2,600 51:34
150 back 3:30
4 X 50
150 back 3:38
total: 3,100 yards = 2,833 meters.

And then?

Hang on. I'm going to tell you. Brian Waldrup texted me and asked if I wanted to ride. I had not been on my bicycle since Bikes, Blues[,] & Bayous 2019. Really. We met up at his house and drove out to Money. O'Ryan Patterson rode with us. He's a chef at Gardia's and a newbie cycler. It's kind of nice to be faster than somebody.

And? Stop dragging it out.

The total was 17.03 miles.

That's three. What did you do for the fourth?

What do you think? I lifted at Plate City, pull. I did something I have not done in a while. I did seated rows as my main move, four sets at

21 X 50
17 X 60
14 X 70
10 X 75

I also did two sets of the Swim Pull, some reverse flys, and a set of face pulls.

Wow. Four workouts in one day. I'm impressed.

You ought to be. That kind of stuff makes me want to retire. Then I could really kick Randy Beets butt.

You're not going to do it are you?

Not for at least for another year or three. Thank you, Jesus, for a good day.

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Hopping at the Hideout

Things were hopping at the Hideout Monday. The concrete truck was scheduled to be there at 9:00 a.m. I went by, opened the gate and drank some coffee. At 9:38, I decided to take a run. I made a three-mile loop and asked the carpenter if he had any word. He said no so I went back out for some more exercise. A little over two miles later, I ran by the Hideout. There was no concrete truck in sight. 

Did I mention that a crew was supposed to put up a portable building by the end of LAST week? They weren't in sight eight. Neither was the guy who is supposed to do some fencing for us. Come to think of it, the tree guy who was going to come back and cut one more tree was also missing in action. I did some more shuffling and stopped. I was talking with someone on the phone, (something I do very rarely so it must have been important) when I heard the truck. Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

I put my dancing boots on, the white rubber Cajun boots my dad got in Louisiana. I love those things. I wore them to a party once, and I was the only man there who wore white rubber boots. All the women wanted to dance with me. But I don't dance, and I am married. 

We poured concrete and it was lots of fun. This made me very happy. Something was getting done. My boots got dirty, but I washed them off and they look ready for another party. What is the concrete for? you ask. Plate City Strongman and Plate City Gym are going to be reunited in the future, and it will be better than ever. The slab is 20 X 26 and a covering over the top is on the drawing board. I know, I will have to wait and wait and wait. But I have always had to wait for what I wanted. I am so excited about all of this that I can hardly sleep at night.

After lunch I went to the pool. The water was so cloudy that I could not swim fast. I feared running into the wall and possibly breaking my neck. I could barely make out the black line on the bottom, and I missed about half of my flip turns. So I did a straight swim and stopped at 5,000 yards because I wanted to go look at the slab. When I got to the slab, the carpenter was walking on it sweeping it with a broom.

I wanted to take a nap on the slab, but instead I exercised some discipline and went home to work out for the third time of the day. I did overhead presses with the log. I know, that is a strongman move, but I still have the log at Plate City Gym. I pressed

11 X 53
10 X 57
10 X 62.5
8 X 68
3 X 73

I did a set of Swim Pulls, a set of face pulls, some lateral raises, some cable work, and a set of triceps push downs at 31 reps. I am working on both strength and conditioning. The Heart O' Dixie Triathlon is coming up and there are some guys there that need humbling. I have joined forces with some outlaws from Winston County and we plan to win the team division.

It was a good day. Something big got done and it made both me and Penny happy. Thank you, Jesus.

Monday, May 18, 2020

5/11 - 5/17

Last week, I vicariously kicked Randy Beets' butt all over the place. I beat him in the water. I beat him on the road. I beat him in the weight room. I even beat him at sitting, the one thing he claims to be good at. It's tough to be him. Randy can't win for losing, and I can't lose for winning.

The butt beats started Monday with me running 5.2 miles, swimming 4,341 meters, and lifting enough weight to crush the weak Randy. Tuesday I had no mercy and shuffled 2.72 miles, lifted some more, and swam 2,330 meters.

I continued the slaughter Wednesday with three miles of road work, 4,935 meters of pool work, and a little bit of gym work. By Thursday I was on a roll and kept up the pounding with no running. I was rubbing it in that I don't even have to run everyday. I did swim to rub it in that I can. I did 3,884 meters at Twin Rivers, and hit Plate City like I was mad at it.

Friday was total victory with 10.4 miles on Money Road. Yes, you read that right. I ran 10.4 miles while Randy was illegally swimming in a closed lake in a non-swimming area during a quarantine. I swam 2,742 meters while breaking no laws and did not lift weights to show Randy that I did not have to if I did not want to.

Saturday was dedicated to the slaughter. I swam 2,467. Decided on not running to once more show Randy that I don't have to run everyday to beat him. I lifted like a power lifter and body builder rolled up into one. I even lifted two time, once each at two gyms. Randy can never match my strength.

For the week, I

lifted five times in four days,
swam 20,699 meters, and
ran 21.32 miles.

All of that spells victory. How do you spell defeat, Randy? I think he spells it H O R S E T R O U G H.

Thank you, Jesus, that I can actually spell.

Ruling and New Court Date Set

Ruling and New Court Date Set
By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) Counsel for both Randy Beets and Zane Hodge appeared at the Big ASS Training Center and Headquarters in downtown Lehrton, Mississippi Friday morning for a ruling concerning the various investigations by the Association. Since the first of the year, the two star athletes have traded accusation and counter accusations which has led to investigation after investigation.

On April 3 of this year, both men filed formal charges against each other. Beets charged Hodge with creating the COVID-19 pandemic in order to gain a competitive advantage. He also accused Hodge of being an invader and a communist. 

Hodge, on the other hand, accused Beets of slander and extreme stupidity. 

Dr. Nomann, President and CEO of Big ASS Endurance, pronounced that his investigation cleared Hodge of all charges. Furthermore, he added, that although there is sufficient evidence that Beets is indeed "extremely stupid," that is neither a crime under US law nor under Big ASS regulations.

"Thus this matter is concluded," a testy Nomann announced, "and both athletes should refrain from making reckless accusations." He went on to note that with the shutdown of the country, revenues are down and the expenses of these investigations "threatens the very survival of the institution that made you both famous."

Nomann was about to gavel the court out of session when Hodge's lawyer, Tom Flanagan, announced that they "have another charge."

A flabbergasted Nomann said, "You're kidding."



"No Your Honor," Flanagan retorted. "And this one will not require any further investigation. We have video evidence of Randy Beets admitting to committing three felonies." 

Nomann's jaw literally dropped.

"May I approach the bench, Your Honor?"

"You may."

Flanagan then went to the bench and showed Nomann the video that Beets posted on Vicarious Butt Beets."

Nomann immediately announced a court date of May the 22nd "to conclude this new matter," and adjourned the session.

Stay tuned. When this latest matter is adjudicated, this reporter will cover it.

Sunday, May 17, 2020

Three the Crossfit Way

I did three workouts Saturday, but they were not my typical three of swim/run/lift. They were swim/lift/lift. Remember Friday I did not lift because I got busy at the Hideout. That meant I needed to make up a lifting session. When that happens, I normally combine two sessions into one. Not this time. 

Some things again happened at the Hideout, Saturday including my second workout. More on that later. First, I went to the pool and swam

2,550
150 back
total: 2,700 yards = 2,467 meters.

Yeah, it was short and sweet. No times were recorded because I was once more saving my storage space on the watch. I did a little bit of quality in the long warmup. I have always liked long warmups because no matter what else happens, you have worked the aerobic fibers and cells' mitochondria to keep and build your fitness base. If you don't do anything else, you have at least covered one important fitness concern. That means the warmup is usually a swim of around 65% of heart rate/aerobic capacity. Since I only needed 1800 to get my 20,000 meter goal and I was pressed for time, at 2,300 I started swimming every other 50 fast. Cagri used to make us do sets where we changed paces a lot. It's an incredibly tough way to train. They were always difficult, and I thought then that it's easier to just do it all fast.  Sure enough, the easy 50s were harder than the hard 50s. Go figure.

After swimming, I went back to the Hideout and did squats. The Safety Squat Bar is there so I did four sets of squats, three sets of leg curls (yes, I have a bench there) and one set of leg extensions. 

I went home, ate and rested. Then I went to Plate City where I lifted for workout number three, mowed the back lawn, and hung out with Pee Wee. I did lat pull downs, Swim Pulls, face pulls, and reverse band flys. So it was a pretty full day. Next week, I have some more full days planned. Thank you, Jesus, for a full life.

Saturday, May 16, 2020

Second Day of Little Done

Little happened at the Hideout for the second day in a row. The carpenter came and went. No one else came. I went to the pool and swam before lunch doing 

2,550
300 medium paddles
150 back
total: 3,000 yards = 2,742 meters.

Notice there are not times listed. I did not save the practice on my watch which is what I have to do to get that information. And why not? you ask. I did not save it because I don't know how to delete the history on this GPS unit and eventually it will exhaust the memory. 

After lunch, I had some errands to run and it took me until about 2:30 to get onto the road. I shuffled 10.4 miles from the Hideout which left me tired and with no time to do the Plate City thing. I'll make that up Saturday. Thank you, Jesus.

Friday, May 15, 2020

Hurry Up and Wait

Everything ground to a halt yesterday at the Hideout. The carpenter had to do something else. The people who were going to work on the fence must have gone into the Witness Protection themselves as have the people who were supposed to put up the storage building. 

Sigh.

I went to the pool before lunch. I swam

2,550 50:07
5 X 50
200 back 4:56
1,000 small paddles 19:10
150 medium paddles 2:51
100 back 
total: 4,250 yards = 3,884 meters.

I kept pondering and praying as to whether I should shuffle or not. My knee felt good, but maybe I should save it for the long run which I usually do on Friday. So I ran not.

At the gym, I did my density bench pressing as

5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127
5 X 127

All of that was done in 7:07 as compared to 7:30 last week. Yes, I'm impressed that you noticed. I did not intend to go up two pounds, but when I got ready to press, I discovered that I had moved my 11 pound plates to the Hideout. I still had some 22 pounders at Plate City. My Swiss bar weighs 38 pounds so that meant that I could go 127 or 123. I chose 127. Next week I hope to be standardized at last. After the density training, I did two more sets of lighter weights to get a little volume in. Then I did a set of Swim Pulls, a set of face pulls, and some triceps push downs.

So it was a pretty good day of working out and a frustrating day of hurry up and wait. I had to hurry up and get the carpenter some materials and then wait for him to come back.

Thank you, Lord, that although a lot of things didn't happen yesterday, things are moving ahead nevertheless. Life is good; my wife is happy. You know what they say. Happy wife, happy life.

Thursday, May 14, 2020

He Looked Familiar

Since I have been off work, everyday is at the Hideout. Yesterday, I carried some stuff over, and chatted a bit with the gas workers. They were not Atmos employees but sub-contractors who came to put in another gas line. Remember Saturday the tree people ruptured the gas line to the Hideout. The new people had to dig the yard up all the way from the street to he house. The poor lawn has taken a beating.

I then went out for a shuffle. While I was running, the face of one of the workers popped up in my head. 'He looks familiar,' I thought. Then it occurred to me who he looked like. He looked like Donny Mabry. Even his mannerisms reminded me of Donny. When I came back after the three-mile shuffle, I asked him, "Are you a Mabry?"

"I am," he answered.

"Is your momma Linda?"

"She is."

"I married her first cousin, Penny."

So we had a chat. Justin Mabry seems like a fine young man. I'm glad to know him.

It was still early and I had moved my squat bar over so I thought I would do my leg workout. But my knee went gimpy on me. I guess I have a cartilage issue. I can run one minute, hobble the next, and run the minute after that. I only did a few reps, not even a full set because the knee hurt too bad. I hobbled the rest of the day. Later that night, I was walking fine.

I went home for lunch and then to the pool for a swim. I did a straight 5,400 yards, which comes out to 4,935 meters. The pace was good at 1:52 per 100. My heart rate averaged 125.

So what did I get? Not three. Two plus? I'll call it two even. I tried for three but it didn't work out (pun intended).

Thank you, Jesus, for a good two. Thank you that I walked well to the coffee pot this morning. Thank you for the promise this day holds. Thank you for Centerville Baptist Church. Bless my members there. Help me to live will today. Help me to be kind to everyone I meet. May my heart be right and my mind on You.

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Lower Case

 A lot is still happening at the Hideout so I ran from over there. Amazingly, the weather is still cool. I actually had on long sleeves when I did the shuffle at 9:30 a.m. I only did 2.72 miles but that is what I do on Tuesday, a short run.

At the pool, I was both lazy and distracted. I was supposed to get a couple of phone calls (how do you spell waiting?) so I did not want to be in there too long. I swam a mere 2,550 straight and got out. No one had called. No one did.

At Plate City, I took this de-load stuff seriously. For my main pull, I only did three sets of T-bar rowing. I only did one set of Swim Pulls, one set of face pulls, and three sets of reverse flys.

In case you have ever wondered why I always capitalize Swim Pulls and not any other pulls, that is a good question. Maybe I should stop. I invented that exercise so that is one reason I began to capitalize it. It is a proper noun because no one else does a Swim Pull. Also, when I began doing it, I was not doing anything else that had pull in the name. Now that I am doing other pulls, I am wondering if I should lower case the swim pull. I wrote that just to see if I could. It hurt. But still I think I will go all lower case from now on. Notice what I did not say there. I did not say, "Going forward." Don't ever say, think, or write that. Don't, just don't.

That you, Jesus, for another three-workout day. Thank you for this amazing weather. And thank you that although I am having to wait, things are starting to get done.

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Strong Start

My first full week of alleged freedom started off strongly. I ran from the Hideout  5.2 miles. I went out Wade Road but was surprised when I got there because my watch was only showing 1.8 miles. Last week, I remembered thinking that I only needed another half tenth on Wade Road to take it up to five miles. It's amazing how slow I think when I shuffle. It's like my IQ shrinks to almost nothing. Finally, I figured it out. Last Monday I went a different route to get there. Duh!

There was still stuff going on at our Witness Protections secret place. The tree people were cutting trees next door. That kept the concrete man out of our yard. He came back after lunch, and when he got started working, I went to the pool where I swam

2,550 51:20
1,250 tt 20:59
750 medium paddles 13:47
200 back 4:37
total: 4,750 yards = 4,341 meters.

I decided that this week needs to be a de-load on the weights. The original plan was to max out on the bench and lift only Monday and take the rest of the week off. The reason for that was the Senior Olympics were scheduled for Saturday, May 16th. That would give me time to recover both the muscles and the nervous system. Now I think I will do a simple de-load and begin to slowly build up again. I am, however, going to continue my density bench pressing. That is far below 80% of one rep max, and since I am only three weeks into it, I will keep progressing like planned. 

Monday I did not bench at all. My heavy Monday sessions have been leaving my shoulders a bit sore so instead of benching, I did overhead pressing with the log. Right now, my shoulders feel great. Remember the last two weeks I took Tuesday off from the pool because I was afraid that if I swam I would injure myself. Now I plan to hit it hard today. I took everything easy at Plate City. I only did one set of rotator cuff work (I usually do six), one set of face pulls (usually I do four), and one set of the Swim Pull.

I don't yet know the date of the Senior Olympics, but I am guessing September. I just hope it does not clash with Chicot. I will plan my buildup to peak then and if it is later than that, I will adjust.

Thank you, Jesus, for all the good things happening for us right now. And thank you for my shoulders feeling brand new this morning.

Monday, May 11, 2020

5/4 - 5/10

I wanted to get back into 20/20 territory last week, but I did not make it. I did not, however, miss it by much. Monday I swam 4,158 meters, ran 4.9 miles, and lifted big at Plate City. Tuesday I did not swim because my shoulder was sore just like last week. I shuffled 2.54 miles and lifted my second time of the week.

Wednesday I swam 4,570, did 2.62 miles of road work, and worked legs at the gym. Thursday I did not make a run because of waiting on people, but I swim stroke 4,067 meters in the pool and do my density training on the bench press. Friday is long run day but I did not run at all because I had so much going on at the Hideout. I managed to swim 4,844, however, and pull weights at Plate City.

Saturday I busted out with vigor doing 2,650 in the pool, 9.11 on the road, and a farmer's walk workout at the Hideout. I did not get my twenty miles of running in, but I pounded the pavement for 19.17. Hence I did a 20/19 week or a 19/20 week. I haven't decided which one is correct.

For the cycle, I

swam 20,289 meters,
lifted weights six times, and
shuffled for 19.17 miles.

That was still a good week. I am also excited that things are getting done at the Hideout. Thank you, Jesus, and give me health, energy, and drive to do more this time. May the progress at the Hideout continue. Bless my family, friend, and church members with prosperity of the soul and body. May Your name be glorified in our land.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

My Second Favorite Memory of Mom

Sometime ago, I wrote about my favorite memory of my mother. It involved a cat and if you missed it, I'm sorry. I am currently too lazy to look that one up and give you the date to find it on EndangeredSwimmer. This little piece is about my second most favorite memory of the women whose influence I still feel everyday of my life. An odd thing about this memory is that Mom wasn't even in it. It is an anecdote my sister, Carol, told me about during the last few months of Mom's earthly life.

We-- us, my sister and I, plus some hired sitters-- were staying with Mom 24/7 during that time. Twice a week I stayed all night. For a long time those duties were not too strenuous. I would come in about 6:00 p.m., get Mom's meds together, fix or buy her supper, feed her and administer her medications. After that, I usually watched television until bed time.

Gradually, however, staying the night meant working the night, all night. I'll spare you the details. Eventually, my sister, who did all the scheduling, took me off the night shift. Mom was not happy about this. When she protested, Carol asked her, "Do you think it is fair for Zane to stay up with you all night and then go to work the next day." To that she replied, "Yes."



I promise, I not only laughed out loud then when Carol told me that, but now several times per week it crosses my mind and it always produces a chuckle. Often, after the chuckle, I tear up because it reminds me of how much she loved me, us, all her children. She wanted me around. No matter how bad her health grew and how old I became, I was always her little fair-haired boy, and nothing was going to change that. That is what makes mothers, and mine in particular, so special. They love. And that love continues to minister to its recipients long after they are gone.