Go Suffix, Young Man

OK, I'm already done with the trans words. They bore me now. I have a new obsession. I'm dropping prefixes and moving to suffixes. Or one suffix. The suffix de jour is -ist. I decided I like it better than -er. The latter is an occupational ending I have often used for myself and others. However, that was before I discovered a more excellent way.

Before I launch into the superiority of -ist over -er, let's review a few er words we commonly use. Some of these are

farmers
plumbers
carpenters
teachers
preachers
grocers
boxers
fighters
lovers
painters
players
writers
pitchers
catchers
haters
moonshiners
singers
and others (see what I did there).

There is nothing wrong with any of these. In fact, I have worn several of these hats myself. I have been a lawn mower, well not the machine but the boy who pushes the machine. I was a preacher for a couple of decades and now make my humble living as a teacher. But in my vast reflection, I decided that -ist is a more refined and elevated set of terms to describe some of my personal activities and maybe yours too. Instead of a calling myself a variety of  -ers, I now prefer to be known as some its. An -ist is defined as 

 a person who practices or is concerned with something, or holds certain principles, doctrines, etc. (definition stolen from someplace).

Now, would you rather be a writer or a novelist? Would you rather be known as a runner or a runnist? a shooter or a shootist? a swimmer or a swimmist? One set of terms is much better than the other, superior even. Not convinced? At your daughter's wedding do you want a piano player or a pianist? Do you want your prescription filled by a drugger or a pharmacist? Do you want those drugs made by a chemicler or a chemist?

I think you see I am right. The question I have is why has this not taken hold in our society that is obsessed with getting the precise correct word for groups and things and ideas? Old terms pass away and new ones take their place. I don't know why this hasn't happened with athletics. I suppose one possible answer is like ice-cream as an endurance food; it's just too obvious for people to notice, so I decided to record it here so when the fad hits I can say I already figured that out. 

By calling myself a runnist instead of a runner, I remove the need to perform well. I run and the pace of my running is inconsequential because I am a person who is concerned with the whole idea of running (see the definition above). I practice running at slow speeds, and I am concerned about running doctrines such as tempo runs, stamina, fartlek, interval training, depletion runs, and all sorts of alchemy the young and talented but uninitiated know little or nothing of. I remain in the sport and improve as an expert on running even while my ability to battle large ladies in local 5Ks decreases.

There are sad exceptions. Have you ever noticed if you ride a bicycle not one calls you a cycler but a cyclist. Why do pedallers (see what I did there) get that kind of respect when the whole professional lot of them has been a cesspool of PEDs? We call people who commit sexual assault rapists not rapers. These need to change one way while runner and swimmer change the other way. Failing to do this is discriminatory against the rest of us noble but struggling athletes.

As a swimmist, like the runnist, I remove the need for speed as I not only practice swimming, but ponder 85% pace, flip turns, breathing patterns, turnover rates, critical swim speed sessions, energy systems, paddle workouts, kick sets, and more and more and much much more. Dude, I am an expert on these doctrines, a coach in waiting ready to be discovered and rock the world, a muse able and willing to invest my vast knowledge and wisdom into the life of some future Chicot Challenger. I really hope it works out that way, that when I am no longer able to do it myself as a swimmer, I can, as a swimmist, guide someone else who still has some prime who is still just a swimmer.

Anyway, away with old, dull, and limiting terms. Stop selling yourself short. Start a revolution of terminology on Facebook, in private conversations, in the checkout line at the grocery store. Proudly proclaim yourself an -ist. Become a snob and be somebody.