Document Dump

Ever since the Association of Sports Syclists, the Association of Sports Shufflers, and the Association of Sports Swimmers merged in 2010 to form Big ASS Endurance, the sporting world has been abuzz and sometimes ablaze with news controversy, and sometimes just plain craziness. The craziness has returned.

After a couple of mostly silent years, due to Zane Hodge foregoing his annual showdown with Randle Beets at Swim the Suck, and the cancellation of the 2015 Big ASS Awards Banquet due to an ISIS threat, the volume of chatter has suddenly returned in subwoofer-busting loudness with the recent Wikileaks document dump of 13,000 + emails, training records, and secretly recorded videos of the Association's biggest stars Hodge and Beets.

When asked for his comment, Big ASS President Dr. Timothy Nomann said, "It will take some time to wade through all of these videos, emails, and records. We will respond at an appropriate time. If errors in reporting by our athletes are found, they will be dealt with swiftly and decisively." Nomann was obviously referring to the contract athletes monthly training reports required by the Association.

Jay Unver, match-maker, reporter, promoter, and investigator for the organization, retorted that the implications of this new information "could be enormous and possible may see one or both of the star athletes being censored, suspended, or even fired. Hopefully, none of the emails have the athletes being critical of management. That could be a real bombshell and result in some severe punishments."

When told of the Wikileaks, a visibly shaken Hodge refused comment as he jogged across the MDCC Greenwood Center's parking lot and through the front door of the building where he works. When followed inside, Hodge locked himself in his office and refused to respond to repeated calls for him to come out for an interview.

Beets, on the other hand, appeared giddy and shouted, "This will be the downfall of Hodge. Mark my word, Hodge is going down." When asked what evidence he had that Hodge was guilty of any misconduct, Beets simply said, "The truth will come out."

As of publication time, this reporter has been called to the Big ASS Headquarters in Lehrton, Mississippi, presumably to begin an examination of the documents. Further updates will be made when more information is available.