In the Midst of Three Weeks Out

I rounded a corner today (Wednesday). For the first time in over a year, I swam like a boss with no fear like the water was my oyster. The mental fragility that has plagued me for over fourteen months has passed, as in died. It is past, as in gone. It is gone, as in extinct. Like the Lord's coming, it happened in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye. Just like that I am whole again, confident and cocky.

I can't explain it. I can't wrap my own head around how a pectoral injury from April of 2014 had continued to hold me under its power even though I had been symptom free for more than a year. For more than a year. Yet with every swim it was in the back of my mind, sometimes in the front of my mind, warning me, frightening me, telling me to slow it down, cut it short, end the swim. And so often I did.

Early this year, I had some real problems, some issues with my left shoulder. Shoulders, now there is something to fear. Shoulders and swimmers can be like a bad marriage. Problems there can lead to counseling, separation, even divorce. With the right shoulder injury, or the wrong one I should say, it is game over. 

But slowly the shoulder has gotten better until it no longer concernes me. The pec, however, asymptomatic as it was, has loomed large in my mind. Maybe it was God's way of holding me back, preventing me from destroying myself. I'm pretty good at that, pretty good at hammering and hammering until something breaks and the something is always my body. It's not like it's a mystery, but when it occurs it always leaves me wondering "What happened?"

Maybe that scenario is not completely true. I mean last October I did Swim the Suck with no fear. I swam hard and I swam fast even though Randy Beets was not in the water. But this past winter and spring has seen me revisited by ghosts of a bygone day. All that changed Wednesday. But maybe I should start at the beginning of the week.

Monday I did a short run and then met John at the pool. The plan was to go three and one half hours. The whole swim was one of trepidation for me. "What's that?" I questioned with every little sensation in my body: shoulders, biceps, triceps, pectoral. Did I feel my pectoral muscle? Did I?

Then at three and a half hours, I flipped on John's end of the pool, surfaced, and pointed with both hands towards the other end. John stayed put. When I got back on that end again, I stopped and said, "Are you coming out?"

"Let's go four," was his reply.

So we did. Four hours and twenty five seconds to be exact. The pace was slow but I swam 11,700 meters straight with no stops, with no water, with no feeds.

Tuesday I ran longer, 5.01 miles, and went to the pool alone because John was all tuckered out from Monday's big four. Naturally I was a bit sluggish and slow and swam

1,800
12 X 50 @ 1:14
400 easy
100 kick with fins
100 back/swim by 25s with fins
1,000 countdown
3 X 100 25 back kick/75 swim with fins
total: 4,300 meters.

Wednesday I did another five mile run and met John at the pool around 3:00. I swam

2,000
12 X 50 @ 1:14

This is when it happened. During the 2,000 warm up, I felt week, unsure of myself. When I started the sprints, however, something happened unexpectedly. Suddenly and without plan I pulled the water with force and confidence. And just like that all was well, whole again in body and mind. My sprints were two to three seconds faster per rep. Amazing. I finished with

400 easy
1,300 countdown (I attacked this set like I was mad at it)
3 X 100 25 back kick/75 swim with fins
total: 4,600 meters. 

John and I didn't talk about it, but he noticed. He said, "You were swimming hard out there today."

Thank you, God.