These are the thoughts I have in the comfort of my own bedroom while I am warm and dreaming and determined. And I mean it. Tuesday afternoon, I had my coolest swim of the year: 61 degree water on a 65 degree day. A mere 700 meters was just about enough to send my courage and determination running for a spot in front of the space heater.
Now I am in that going back and forth mode, between, I'm just not made to be a cold water swimmer to Maybe I can make another swim or two before I totally tap out. Do you hear it? Do you hear the self talk of defeat? And then I have these thoughts: What difference does it make? Why put myself through the torture? It has no bearing on Chicot or the Heart O' Dixie or any of the events that are important to me.
I guess it doesn't. Have any impact on my big goals, that is. But something inside keeps pushing me. What is that something? Honestly, I am not sure. Is it pride? Do I smart that some people can really do this cold water thing and I can't? Is it the challenge? Is it the mystic allure of something so weird so off the wall something so subculture? If I had to testify in court, I would say it's the latter. I have always been attracted to the roads less traveled, metaphorically and literally.
These roads less traveled have led me into marathons, ultra-marathons, all day bicycle rides, multi-day bicycle rides, triathlons, marathon swimming, and journey runs. Not that I have ever been very good at any of this, but I have had a lot of fun playing, going to new places, and meeting new people. My only regret in all of this is that I started much of this too late in life.
The cold water stuff is sort of in the same vein. It's odd, little known, off the radar screen of the general populace. And I suppose another push this year is the fact that for the first time ever, Twin Rivers is leaving its pool up all winter. I don't have to drive to the pond to try a cold water swim. I have a 50-meter pool less than a mile from my house and it is mine and mine alone. Would it not be a sin not to avail myself of that? Has not God given me this? set the table and invited me to "Come and dine"?
Usually this is the time of year I give up and start back going to Delta State to swim indoors under the tutelage of a well-qualified coach. One problem with that is I am a bit ashamed to show up over there because I am so fat right now. OK, color me vain, but you put on a jammer and walk out over there in front of what seems like the whole world when we have practice. I know it doesn't make any difference, but it does bother me.
So what will it be? How long will I hold out in the outdoor pool? Even if I do swim outdoors all winter, I need the indoor pool because I won't be able to do the distance I need in the cold. Tuesday, I came home from my short 700 meter swim and my left foot froze after I got home, and I was cold for about forty minutes despite being heavily bundled in clothes and tucking myself under the bed covers. I'm just not good at this. My body doesn't like it. When I stick my foot into that cold water, I always think This is the most unnatural thing on earth. It hurts. Cold water hurts, and I am not a fan of pain. Why do it? No one else around here does. I don't have a training buddy to try this with me since Randy Beets moved away. I could be home with the cats. Why do it?
I can't answer that question.
Tomorrow I think I'll go back to Twin Rivers and try it again. I don't know why, but I will dip my foot into the cold water, cringe, and pray, Help me Lord.
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