Hodge Files Protest over Beets' Height

Hodge Lodges Protest over Beets' Height

Jay Unver (Lehrton, MS) Champion swimmer Zane Hodge filed a formal complaint today with Big ASS Endurance over Randy Beets’ height. According to a copy of the complaint obtained by The Lehrton Gazette, Hodge alleges that Beets lied about his height on documents filed with the Association of Sports Swimmers and its parent company Big ASS Endurance  when the two endurance athletes joined those organizations three years ago. The ruse, according to Hodge, continues until this day.

When questioned about the complaint, Big ASS Endurance spokesperson, Jim Bob Dugan, refused comment saying only that the matter was under investigation. Hodge, however, had plenty to say when visited by this reporter.

The photo Hodge provided as evidence

“That guy has been telling lies ever since we’ve been competing against each other,” the agitated swimmer said as we sat on his back patio sipping coffee.  “I have absolute proof,” Hodge added, showing me a photo of the two swimmers standing side by side. In the photo, Beets, who claims to be 6’6’’, towers over the 5’10” Hodge by a good foot or more.

When asked how Beets’ reported height could possibly be an issue, Hodge responded: “If he will lie about that, you can’t trust the boy. Being tall is not against the rules, but cheating is. He clearly did lie and is lying about his stature. What I am seeking in my complaint is for an accurate measuring of Beets and for two independent observers appointed by Big ASS to keep an eye on him in the Suck. That’s a reasonable request.”

The upcoming Swim the Suck Ten-miler in Chattanooga, TN is the world open water championship race for the Association of Sports Swimmers members. Since Beets and Hodge are the only members competing in that event, the showdown between them will determine the 2013 world champion.

Hodge and Beets have a long and intense rivalry that at times has bordered on violence. At the Suck last year, security guards and a helicopter narrowly prevented the two from coming to blows. Also Hodge has a history of making allegations against Beets. Before last year’s Suck, he accused the Greenvillian of wounding him by means of a Voodoo doll.

“He did it!” Hodge jumped to his feet and shouted when I reminded him of the Voodo doll controversy. “In 2011 it was my right shoulder. In 2012 it was my right hand. This year it’s been my back, my other shoulder, and my groin. If somebody doesn’t get that doll away from him, he is going to kill me.”

“So you think Beets cheated in the last year’s Suck?” I asked.

“Dude, he cut some twenty-minutes off the gap between us. Who does that? How can you improve that much in one year? He probably put on fins along the way. He is so large that his fins are the size of small surf boards. He wears like a size thirty-five shoe. I’ve done fin sets with him in the pool, and if you get behind him when he has fins on, the turbulence will knock you over. Really.  He could beat Michael Phelps with fins on.”

“Let me get this straight. You’re accusing Beets of telling lies, cheating, and attempting to murder you?”

“Yeah,” he answered without reservation. “Seems like you left some things out. That can’t be all. He’s a pretty rotten character who will stop at nothing to defeat me. Nothing!”

“Could any of this be related to Saturday?” I continued to probe?

“What do you mean?” Hodge responded suspiciously when I inquired about their recent training session at the fish pond.

“Word is out that he beat you again in the water and then you two had a scuffle afterwards and he beat you up in the fight. Could your complaint be related to that?” I asked.

At this point Hodge jumped to his feet and began screaming. “What?!?!? No such thing happened. He could never beat me up. I was on top when the gun went off”

“Gun?” I enquired. “What’s this about a gun and how did this fight start?”

“It started when he called me a name,” Hodge answered. “I think he called me a doo doo head. I said ‘I know you are, what am I?’ Next thing I know, he has me in a head lock, but I slipped out because our heads were wet. We had just got out of the water. So after I got out or the headlock, I shot for a double-leg take down and was on top when the gun went off.”

“Gun! What gun?” I asked incredulously.

“Robin. She got a .44 out of her truck and fired it into the air. Then I think she said stop it, so I got off him.”

“You think she said, you mean you don’t know?”

“That’s what it looked like her lips were trying to say. She fired that thing right by my ear. Heck, I couldn’t hear for two days. But I tell you what,” he said with murder in his eyes. “Next time I see Randal Beets, I’m just going to start swinging. It’s gunna be a Beets down.”