Annoying Questions

I am not a morning person.

There, I said it.

Again.

However, I arise at 3:45 five mornings per week in order to be in the pool at 4:00 a.m. My training partner, John, always asks questions. These are the ones that grind my nerves. Below is a list of the top ten irritating questions.

10. How are you?

Sleepy. I'm sleepy. Do I need me to tell you that?

9. Did you watch the game last night?

Of course I watched the game last night. I'm not in the morgue am I?

8. Who put a chair in the bathroom?

What? Do you think I live here? How the heck would I know?

7. Was that light on when you got here?

Just shut up.

6. What time did you get here?

Get here earlier and find out.

5. Are you OK?

No, I am not OK. I'm sleepy. I'm lonely. I miss my bed. Leave me alone.

4. Do you have to work today?

No, John. I quit so I will have more time for more stupid questions.

3. How is Penny?

How would I know? She was asleep when I left home.

2. Did you sleep well?

Short. I slept short.

1. How is the water?

Really? Really? You were in it yesterday, and you are walking down the ramp to get in it now. Find out for yourself. Leave me alone.

Well, Zane Hodge. I find nothing irritating or stupid about any of those questions.

It's 4:00 a.m.! All questions are stupid and irritating at that hour of the morning. One more time: I am not a morning person. Give me some coffee and some space and leave me alone. That way no one gets hurt.