Big ASS Endurance Announces New Sport
By Jay Unver
(Lehrton, Mississippi) Big ASS Endurance, the conglomeration of the Association of Sports Swimmers, the Association of Sports Syclists, the Association of Sports Shufflers, and the Association of Sports Strongmen, announced today a brand new sport. They are calling it Quadrathon, and I was sent to interview its brainchild, Zane Hodge.
Unver: So how did you come up with the idea of quadrathon?
Hodge: A couple of streams flowed together in my brain. One, I am always looking for a way to upstage Randy Beets. And two, I was thinking that triathlon is too easy. So I thought, add a sport. Since I have been lifting a lot the past few years, the new sport was obvious.
Unver: If I understand right, quadrathon is triathlon plus a power lifting meet.
Hodge: Close. Quadrathon is a triathlon plus an enhanced power lifting meet. By enhanced I mean one more lift, the log press.
Unver: Why the log press?
Hodge: A couple of reasons. I thought it a good idea to stick with the theme of four so now it's four lifts instead of three. And that makes the thing more difficult, and the more difficult it is, the more it humiliates Randy Beets. Also, the log press is often contested in strongman.
Unver: Why do you think this will humiliate Randy Beets?
Hodge: Because Randy does not lift at all.
Unver: Why not?
Hodge: His momma told him not to.
Unver: Really?
Hodge: That's my understanding.
Unver: How will your training change for this as opposed to the Chicot Challenge which it is replacing?
Hodge: The biggest change will be that I have to cycle a lot more. Also, I have to keep everything up, the lifting, the running, and the swimming. This should make me a better all-around athlete, better than Randy Beets anyhow.
Unver: So you will be doing four workouts per day instead of three?
Hodge: Many days, yes. Also, I will peak for the four lifts which will be a first for me. I know how to peak for endurance events. I have never peaked for a lift before, but I know how others do it so I think I can.
Unver: I take it that this whole thing has you excited.
Hodge: It does and that was one of the prerequisites when I was searching for something to fill in for Chicot.
Unver: Well it certainly is an interesting concept.
Hodge: I'd say it certainly beats sitting in a horse trough which is all Beets is doing. And he acts like he's proud of that. Jeez, people these days.
Unver: Good luck to you. Certainly I will write an article for Big ASS Endurance when you pull this off. I also might check in with you on your training from time to time.
Hodge: Thank you very much, Jay.
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