Friday, February 19, 2016

I Could Care Less

I've been watching too much TV. That's what happens when you stay home sick. I flipped the channel yesterday just in time to catch Marcus Spears and Paul Finebaum talking about "I could care less" vs "I couldn't care less." I've been bumping into this too much lately.

Listen, no one is more attuned to correctness than I am. As an English major and a teacher who constantly tells his students not to major in English if they want to be happy, I know what it's like to gnash the teeth over rule-less speech. Seriously. Language abuses drive me crazy.

I honestly think I should be appointed Language Czar of the United States. I could straighten things up in a hurry. For one, I could settle the national dept in less than a year if the president would only give me the office and the power. To start with, I would fine any broadcaster $1,000 for any use of the useless phrase "going forward." Paul Finebaum alone would have to cough up a $100,000 per episode. That's just the beginning of what I would do. 

But rest assured, I possess the credentials to be America's first Language Czar. Having studying ten foreign languages, having earned four degrees, and making my living as a college English Instructor, I know the difference between a preposition and a proposition. 

Be that as it may, I'll cut straight to the chase. Concerning the "I could care less" vs "I couldn't care less," debate: what part of idiom do people not understand? Furthermore, what part of sarcasm do people not understand? What part of concision do people not understand? It takes less fewer syllables to say, "I could care less," that to say, "I could not care less" (See what I did there?).

So there you have it. It is not only OK to say I could care less, it is actually the preferable way to do it. So have fun caring less, and help me get appointed Language Czar. As Czar, I could prevent ahead of time before it happens a lot of things from coming to pass in the future going forward.