Nomann Rules

Hodge Swim Official

by Jay Unver

(Lehrton, MS) In a stunning move Wednesday morning, Big ASS president and CEO, Dr. Timothy Nomann ruled on the Hodge case pending before the Association's Disciplinary Board. Citing the special circumstances of the swim and the cause which it supports, Nomann granted a one day dispensation temporarily lifting the star athlete's suspension. The dispensation will go into effect at 12:01 a.m. on June 3rd and last until 12:01 a.m. on June 4th. 

"Hodge's swim, the Chicot Challenge, will carry the full sanction of Big ASS Endurance and will be eligible for world record status if successful. The suspension will resume on June 4th and remain in effect until such a time as this Disciplinary Board deems appropriate to remove it."

Nomann left the conference room after this statement and took no questions from reporters who shouted them at him as he left the diaz. Within an hour, firecrackers started going off in downtown Lehrton. Cannon and gunfire could be heard at the Lehrton County Coon Hunters club house on Billy Bob Road. Despite his troubles, Hodge remains a popular figure in and around Lehrton. With most of the Barber Shop crew out on bail, celebrations were expected to possibly become excessive. As of press time, however, there had been no reports or rioting or other expressions of violence.