Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Hodge Indicted

Hodge Indicted
By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) At a press conference today, Big ASS Endurance handed down a shocking one hundred sixteen count indictment against the organization's biggest star, Zane Hodge. The charges include 91 counts of derogatory comments against the administration of Mississippi's premier endurance league, twenty-four counts of falsifying required training reports, and one count of insubordination. 

When asked about a timeline for a trail and punishment, Nomann responded that his staff is working overtime to "get this matter settled as quickly as possible." He added that "although this is an unfortunate circumstance for everyone involved with the organization," they were determined to get the matter behind them. Furthermore he added that justice must be served, and that "no one person is bigger than Big ASS, not even Hodge."

That statement, of course, led to reporters shouting questions about the possible punishment of Hodge if convicted. "All punishments, including banishment, are on the table."

Hodge's lawyer, Tom Flanagan, sat silently in the conference room as Nomann read the charges against his client. When asked later, Flanagan had "No comment" concerning the matter. "We will speak at the trial," was his only other words he spoke as he left the building.

Hodge could not be reached for comment, but a rumor quickly surfaced that he was seen standing on the Tallahatchie Bridge outside the railing as if preparing to jump. I drove over but failed to find Hodge on the bridge or in the water. He did not answer his phone nor return a voice message and was not at Plate City Gym, his usual haunt. This reporter will print additional details as they become available.