Charges Fly in Lehrton

Charges Fly in Lehrton

By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) The locked doors of the Big ASS Training Center and Headquarters in Lehrton, Mississippi were opened today. Zane Hodge, the association's star swimmer and strongman, was called there by Dr. Nomann himself. Randy Beets, who earlier accused Hodge of staging the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic, officially accused Hodge of having Beet's pool closed for another month thus giving the Mississippi-based athlete a competitive advantage.

The doors opened and the
fireworks were ignited.

A furious Hodge stormed through the front doors like he was looking for a fight. He was. He made formal counter charges against Beets. He accused the tall man of slander, improper insinuation, and extreme stupidity. 

"He accused me of being a communist," a red faced Hodge yelled at Nomann. "He accused me of being an invader. He accused me of questionable morals. He accused me of having a state park in North Carolina closed. He needs a beating, a choke out, a kick to the side of the head!"

Nomann opened a formal investigation into both men's allegations, then closed the meeting and the building. Later that day, the Lehrton Sheriff's Department picked up Hodge on charges of shooting a road sign. The sheriff's department would offer no details on the shooting.