Hearing

Hearing

by Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) There was a hearing at the Big ASS Training Center and Headquarters conference room Tuesday morning to determine whether or not Zane Hodge would be charged again with competition interference. The possible charge stems from smoke detectors at Randy Beets residence going off in the early morning before Virtual Meet 4. Beets accused Hodge of instigating the snafu to gain a competitive edge. 

When asked if he instigated the smoke detector incident, Hodge responded that he "lives in Mississippi, hasn't left the state, and is not savvy enough to pull something like that off." He went on to say that "Beets is no count, prone to tell tales, and should not be trusted with truth concerning anything more important than what he ate for breakfast."

Hodge testifying that Beets is no-count,
prone to tell tales, and untrustworthy.

Dr. Nomann objected to Hodge's personal characterization of Beets, and proceeded to call for me, Jay Unver, and Detective Nearsight who conducted the investigation on Beets' smoke detectors. Both of us gave witness that the cause of the devices alarming was low batteries.

"See," Hodge yelled jumping to his feet. "Beets doesn't have enough sense to change to batteries in his own smoke detectors!" 

Nomann gaveled the room back into order and warned Hodge of further outburst. He then examined Hodge's cell phone records, email account, and social media accounts.

Then he gave his conclusion. He made it plain that his findings were in no way an exoneration of Hodge, but that "the case lacked evidence for formal charges and a trial." With that, the hearing was dismissed and Hodge walked out of thge proceedings with a smirk on his face.