Overheard from the Backseat

Black Friday. No, I shop very little myself, but my wife is a champion. She, our daughter, granddaughter, and this year, my son, made a pilgrimage to Jackson on Black Friday. My role was to serve as chauffeur and pay from supper. I cherished both jobs, did my best, and enjoyed my time with the family. During our travels and travails, I conducted myself as I normally do: speaking little, listening a lot. Here are some things that stuck in my brain, words, phrases, and sometimes sentences. They bounced around inside my head and made their way to my keyboard. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Do you remember Dragnet? It was a cop show that was all the rave back when I was a little boy. I remember the narrator at the beginning of the show always saying, "Then names have been changed to protect the innocent." Well, in the case the names have been withheld to protect the guilty. They really did say this stuff.

Things Heard from the Backseat

"I don't know why she married him. He looks like a melted piece of cookie dough."

"My husband called me his busted can of biscuits."

"Don't run over me, Poppie!"

"She's in there sniffing candles."

"Didn't he look bad? He looks like ruined pudding."

"Did somebody sit on my candy bar?"

"Let me get in before you drive off!!!"

"Mamma never made me jello."

"What's that smell?"

"Here comes your dad."
"Moma, that's a red Dodge pickup truck. I have a green Ford Explorer."

"For three weeks I had really bad gas. It smelled horrible. I was a crop duster."

"I remember Daddy eating chicken bones."

"What happened to my water? Who drank my water?"

"Will it make me sick if I drink this?"
"Yeah, but do it anyway."

"She went over one aisle, picked a wooden hand off the shelve, came back, stuck it in my face and said, 'Talk to the hand.'"

"Are we gunna eat? I'm getting weak. I'm about to pass out."


"Why is my seat wet?"

"What is this sticky stuff on the console?"

"Did somebody step in dog doo doo?"

"Why is there water on the ceiling?"


We had a good time. I did, at least, and I was well rewarded for my services. The things I heard can't be made up. Thank you, Jesus.