Hodge Guilty

Hodge Guilty

by Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) The competition interference trial of champion swimmer Zane Hodge was concluded in just under an hour Monday morning at the Big ASS Training Center and Headquarters in downtown Lehrton, Mississippi. 

Dr. Nomann, President and CEO of Big ASS Endurance

Hodge pled innocent but was unable to explain repeated phone calls to an unidentified person in Morganton, North Carolina. "A butt dial," was all he could say. That would be sixteen butt dials for a total of thirty seven minutes. Thus his explanation strains credulity.

The strongest evidence against the ageing athlete, however, was the conclusive fact that the power shortage, which interfered with Randy Beets swim Friday, October the 18th, was due to a cyber attack launched by Mississippi Delta Community College computers. Hodge is an English teacher for the school.

The computers in question, however, are located on the Moorhead campus. Hodge works on the Greenwood campus and provided documentation that he was not on the Moorhead campus that Friday. "We don't even work on Friday," he argued. In fact, he was not on the main campus any that entire week.

Hodge vowed to have no knowledge of anyone working on his behalf. "If they did this for me, they did it without my knowledge, and if I had known I would have protested and called Big ASS immediately."

Randy Beets, Wt'fer at Doober's Purrdolls and sometimes swimmer

Although Dr. Nomann agreed with the possibility that the cyber attack could have been done outside of Hodge's knowledge, "still it came from your workplace and you must be held accountable."

Hodge's lawyer, Tom Flanagan, argued that "the ones who actually did the deed should be held accountable, not an innocent man."

Since employees of Mississippi Delta, with the exception of Hodge, are not members of Big ASS Endurance, they could not be charged with any violation nor could they be compelled to testify although they were asked to.

Nomann pronounced Hodge guilty and set sentencing for Wednesday October the 30th at 10:00 a.m.

When asked to comment, Hodge said, "I can't. I'd lose my preaching license if I told you what I thought about this."

Jay Unver is a journalist, investigator, and sports event
verifier for Big ASS Endurance.