Sentencing

Sentencing

by Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) Zane Hodge appeared with his lawyer at the conference room at the Big ASS Training Center in Lehrton this morning to receive his sentence for his competition interference infraction. Like the trial, the proceeding was short and sweet.

Hodge stood with counsel while the sentence was read by Dr. Nomann. The athlete lost his entire year's salary, which amounted to six cans of potted meat, two dollars cash money, and a five dollar line of credit with Jimmy's Used Swimming Jammers. In addition, Hodge was fined three dollars, had to vacate his 500 yard victory over Beets in Virtual Meet 1, and was hit with a five year $250,000 Show Cause Judgment.

At the announcement of the Show Cause Judgment, an audible gasp arose in the room, Hodge turned white, wobbled, then collapsed as his lawyer tried unsuccessfully to catch him. His head struck the floor hard and he lay motionless while two bailiffs rushed to his side and tried to revive him. Nomann called an ambulance and within minutes Hodge was taken out on a gurney, placed in an ambulance, and taken to the hospital.

That is all known at press time. More information will be forthcoming.