Virtual Meet 2

Virtual Swim Meet 2

By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) Controversy struck like a bad storm at Virtual Swim Meet 2: Hodge versus Beets. Unlike the the virtual race and the first virtual meet, Hodge was relaxed when I met him at his house and followed him to the pool. Beets had not reported his times so Hodge felt no pressure.

He warmed up with 1,100. After that, he put on his swim cap and busted out 300 yards in 4:26. He was breathing hard as he lapped his watch and began a cool down swim of 250 yards. Then it was time for the 100. He did a dive start and beat last week's time of 1:22 with a 1:20. He then swam another 275 and got himself ready for the biggie, the 600. After 9:16, he was sucking air having completed a hard 600 yards. Immediately he put on small paddles and swam 400 easy, then he did some 50s with medium paddles and finished off with an easy 100 with small paddles. His total swim was 3,325 yards.

All was well, Hodge was happy, and then my phone rang. It Randy Beets and he was upset. He has swum his first two swims, but before he could do the 600, the power went out at Morganton Aquatic Center. 

"The power has never gone out there. Never. The weather is perfect. I smell a rat. Zane Hodge had something to do with this." It was too dark for him to see the walls. He wanted Dr. Nomann's number; he wanted to file a complaint.

Of course, you can imagine Hodge's reaction when told all of this. His face turned as red as a beet (pun intended); he yelled, said I knew where he was that he had never been within 400 miles of Morganton, North Carolina; said Randy Beets was a big, tall baby, a whiny butt, a sissy, a disgrace to all real swimmers everywhere. He shook his fist a said, "If the Association of Sports Strikers had gone through, his butt would be whipped already."

Just as he was finishing his tirade, my phone rang again. It was Dr. Nomann. I must inform you that I do more than write articles for Big ASS Endurance. I also serve as a witness to athletic events, and at times I act as an investigator. Nomann was opening an investigation, and he ordered me to follow Hodge home and retrieve his cell phone and his laptop.

The fit just hit the shan.