Wednesday, August 9, 2017

How BBB Missed True Greatness

Did you get it? 

What? you ask.

The answer.

What answer?

The answer to the question I posed in the last post.

What question?

Duh! I knew you wouldn't take it seriously. You'll wish you had.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about my post on Bikes, Blues & Bayous and how I was writing about what I saw. Remember? I said I saw, well, I'll just give you the quotation below in bold and quotation marks:

"I saw 400 pound women, Tour de France looking teams, ragged bikes and bikers, ancient hippies, soccer moms, little kids, old men, people wearing flip flops, and riders dressed up like little Lord Fauntleroy. You see it all and you see a lot of it. I liked seeing it and being a part of the rolling party. Training be darned, I'm here and I am at the dance. But there was one thing missing, one thing I did not see. Try to figure it out."

Oh that.

Yeah that. Think about it right now because after I tell you you'll wish you had.


OK. You had your chance. Drum roll, I did not see Elvis.
See, I told you there were 400
pound women out there.

Wow! I do wish I had thought about it. I should have guessed that.

You're not the only one. Let me now give you a little history on BBB that you are not familiar with. I was one of the founders of the event. It started when Brian Waldrop had the idea to do a triathlon in Greenwood, sponsored by Viking and ending in front of the Alluvian Hotel. He set the Money Road Cycling Club to task on coming up with the right course. To make a short story long, we tried and tried to come up with a suitable course. Nothing seemed to work. Then Richard Beatty suggested we simplify everything and do a bike ride. Bingo! But here is where the history, if you have read past written accounts, gets revised or at least a major element of it gets left out.

Wouldn't he look better dressed as Elvis?
I was the one who had the idea to make Elvis a part of the whole thing. When the name Bikes, Blues & Bayous was suggested, I countered with Bikes, Blues, and Elvis. How could the club not jump on that? But somehow they failed to see how brilliant my idea was. If we had gone with my name, cyclists dressed as Elvis would be all over the road. And think of each rest stop having an Elvis impersonator. Think of Elvis singing hymns in the Minter City United Methodist Church. Oh snap! Think of Elvis at Money, gyrating all over the road. Think of Elvis in downtown Itta Bena, Elvis at the pickle juice fountain in Schlater. Elvis dancing on the catfish pond levees south of Schlater. Elvis on bicycles, Elvis at the finish line. You may not remember, but the last Elvis sighting around here was when he was seen hitchhiking on Highway 8 near Minter City. Wasn't that a sign from God?

With an Elvis theme, the numbers would easily be double what they are now. Not only that, but we would receive publicity from news teams across the country and the world even. Instead of the largest bicycle ride in Mississippi, we would be the biggest one in the America maybe even the whole world.

But people don't listen to me. That's why I like cats so much. They listen. CC knows I'm right. Luvie knows I'm right. Baby Kitty knows I'm right. But the Money Road Cycling Club? They can kiss my hinder parts. I mean it. I'm really ticked off, and the more I think about it the madder I get. Not only am I angry, but the whole thing hurts my feelings. I am so tired of being overlooked.

They not only messed the name up, but they also refused to listen to me about the Oxford comma. I'm the only English teacher in the whole bunch and Bikes, Blues & Bayous makes me shiver. Even if they were not going to include Elvis in the name, it should at least be Bikes, Blues, & Bayous. But all of this just reminds me of what I tell my students every day. "Don't major in English if you want to be happy." And to that I add, "Don't come to Bikes, Blues, & Bayous if you want to see Elvis." Despite all that, I'll probably ride again next year. After all, I get to spend time with my son and see 400 pound women. Anybody out there know where I can get an Elvis costume?