Monday, February 24, 2020

Assault and Battery

Assault and Battery
By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississipppi) If beating Randy Beets in athletic contests were a crime, Zane Hodge would be serving life without parole or on death row one. It seems the ageing athlete never tires of whipping the tall one from pillar to post. In the pool, Hodge has recently set new records in the 50, 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, and 600 backstroke. Beets, on the other hand, has been missing in action and cannot even be reached for comment on Hodge's dominating pool performances. 

Besides rewriting the record books in the Association of Sports Swimmers, Hodge has been doing the same thing in the Association of Sports Strongmen. Wednesday of this week, Hodge set the distance record in the farmer's walk with not one but two walks of 350 feet with the implements alone. That is Hodge carried 104 pounds over a full football field length without stopping.

A mere three days later, Hodge was at it again breaking his own world record with a pull of 117 pounds per hand for 40 feet. It was unclear, at first, if that mark would go down as a new record. The standard distance for weight has been 50 feet which is what Hodge was going for that day. His grip failed, however, and he only made 40 feet before dropping the farmer's walk handles. After consulting with Dr. Timothy Nomann, president and CEO of Big ASS Endurance, Nomann said the mark would stand as a new record at that the 40-foot distance.

A few minutes later, Hodge broke his second record of the day when he did 50 feet with the duck walk carrying 115 pounds. There seems to be no end to what the star swimmer, cyclist, runner, and strongman is capable of. "As long as there is a Randy Beets to beat, I'll be competing," a happy Hodge said.

No comments:

Post a Comment