Matthews Signed

For the second day in a row, Dr. Timothy Nomann held a press conference at the Big ASS Training Center in downtown Lehrton, Mississippi. The latter conference was to announce the signing of Alaina Matthews to a multi-year contract that Nomann called, "the most lucrative in Big ASS history." Reportedly, Matthews will receive a new race suit, two pair of goggles, a coupon for a free cheeseburger at Bob's Burgers and another coupon for a nickle off an order of fries, $8.00 cash, and performance bonuses." Besides this annual compensation, Matthews was all smiles as Nomann handed her a check, for an undisclosed amount, as a signing bonus.

Nomann called it the greatest day in the organiztion's history. Matthews added, "I'm ready to be the face of the Association. I'm ready to push out the old guard and bring in the new."

When asked it the reference to "the old guard" was about Zane Hodge, she responded, "If the goggles fit, wear them."

Nomann added that Matthews would be representing Big ASS at the Swim Across the Bay Swim in September at Ocean Springs, Mississippi. There she will have the opportunity of winning the Association's world open water championship. All she has to do is defeat any other Big ASS swimmers in the race to be the world champion.

Joe Bob Higgins asked if Hodge would be competing in the Across the Bay Swim. Nomann answered, "That's not clear at this time."