Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Hodge Pleads!

The trial of Big ASS World Champion Zane Hodge was to begin this morning in the Conference Center at the Association's headquarters in downtown Lehrton. Inside the building, the tension was thick, the security high, and speculation was running amuck. Everybody had an opinion and talked freely about how the Russians, at the behest of "that Beets guy," must have hacked Hodge's emails and training reports. The barber shop was there. The Coon Hunter's Club was there. The churches were there and so were the sidewalks. Everybody who was anybody was there drinking coffee, speculation, some even threatening to riot "If anything happens to Hodge."

Dr. Nomman entered the conference room at precisely 8:00 am, donned in a black robe and a scour-covered face. After taking his position at the bench, Nomann gaveled the court into session, and the proceedings began with the charges being read. A solid twelve minutes were consumed reading the 116 counts. Nomann then asked Hodge how he pled and gave him the opportunity to plead to each individual charge.

An audible gasp swept through the room when Hodge pled guilty to all counts. Nomann pounded the gavel furiously and demanded order in the courtroom. 
Nomann then asked Hodge if he indeed intended to forgo a trial and plead guilty to all 116 counts. Hodge's response was "Yes, Sir."

At that point, a surprised looking Nomann set March 15 at 8:00 a.m. as the date and time for sentencing. He then adjourned the court. 

Chaos ensued. Neither Hodge nor his lawyer said anything other than "No comment" as reporters shouted question after question at the fleeing duo who quickly made their way out of the packed building and into a waiting pickup truck. Two old men in overalls and carrying .410 shotguns, Hodge's body guards, jumped into the bed of the truck as it pulled away and headed west on Jimmy Jack Road and out of town. 

I attempted to pursue the rapidly moving truck in my car, but the truck abruptly stopped and the armed men, Bubba and Junior, climbed out of the truck and started walking my way with shotguns in tow. Fearing a confrontation, I turned around and sped back to town showering the old geezers with rocks from the road's surface as I put the pedal to the floor.