Cats

It is not true. They are not like that. You don't understand. Let me explain.

Cats are not aloof. They are not anti-social. They are not independent. They are misunderstood. Want to understand cats and have a better relationship with Fluffy. Then listen up, and I'll let you in on a few secrets.

Here is one of the secrets to cats. They are just like humans, and they want exactly the same things. They want others to notice them, acknowledge them, touch them, speak to then, and love them. Isn't that what you want? I do.

Here is another secret. Cats are socially awkward, they are painfully sensitive, and they can't bear embarrassment. Let that sink in. They want a relationship with you, but unlike with a dog, you have to understand them and you have to work at it. With dogs, it's practically automatic. With cats, it takes some time and understanding.

Let's apply these secrets. Your cat wants to get along with you, wants to be  close to you but really doesn't know how. You come home from a long day at work, and Fluffy gets up from her nap and walks two steps towards you. Did you notice? More than likely you did not. That is your first mistake and one Fluffy will never forget. You just hurt her feelings. You ignored her. But surely, you say, she doesn't take it that way. That is exactly how she takes it, and it's exactly how you take it when people give you the snub. 

Getting along with cats first of all involves awareness. You must be aware of what Fluffy is doing and any overture towards you by her must be noticed and responded to. This is where a lot of people miss it. I have had people do this to me. "Hi, Jenny, How are you?" I said with a wave and a big smile. She acted like I was invisible. I didn't speak or even look her way the next time we bumped into each other. This really happened to me and the name was not changed to protect the guilty. In fact, it has happened a lot just like it does to sensitive felines everyday. And they withdraw, become aloof, as we like to say, not because that is how they are, but because they are trying to protect their feelings and their dignity.

This applies when a cat follows you into a room. You must speak, reach down and touch the cat and invite her to follow you out. If a cat follows you into a room and you turn around and come right out (don't we usually do this?) you just embarrassed Fluffy. She is humiliated.  

What to do when Fluffy gets at your feet and begins to meow over and over. This recently happened at our house. CC was doing that to Penny and Penny asked me, "What does she want?" 

I answered, "She wants you to talk to her."

"I did, but she just kept on."

"Then you just keep on. Look her in the eye and tell her she's pretty."

Two lessons here. First, cats are more needy on some days than others. Second, cats love to be told they are pretty. Don't you? My wife scoffs at this and insists that a cat doesn't know what you are saying when you call them pretty. I beg to differ. I am absolutely certain they at least know they are being sweet talked and cats love being sweet talked. So do dogs. So do women. So do men. Do it to your cat. If she speaks to you, speak back over and over and compliment her or him on his looks. Tom cats especially love this.

In sort, it's really not complicated, neither cats nor our relationships with them. They are as sensitive and the most bashful introvert, and they will go to great lengths to protect their feelings. Make them feel safe. It doesn't happen overnight. Consistently show them acknowledgment and love and they will give it back to you in spades. I promise.

And one more thing. Sometimes they do want to be left alone. Just like you. When they are in that mood, let them be. Fluffy will come around when the mood passes, just like you do.

CC hanging out with me on snow day.