Ruling and New Court Date Set
By Jay Unver
(Lehrton, Mississippi) Counsel for both Randy Beets and Zane Hodge appeared at the Big ASS Training Center and Headquarters in downtown Lehrton, Mississippi Friday morning for a ruling concerning the various investigations by the Association. Since the first of the year, the two star athletes have traded accusation and counter accusations which has led to investigation after investigation.
On April 3 of this year, both men filed formal charges against each other. Beets charged Hodge with creating the COVID-19 pandemic in order to gain a competitive advantage. He also accused Hodge of being an invader and a communist.
Hodge, on the other hand, accused Beets of slander and extreme stupidity.
Dr. Nomann, President and CEO of Big ASS Endurance, pronounced that his investigation cleared Hodge of all charges. Furthermore, he added, that although there is sufficient evidence that Beets is indeed "extremely stupid," that is neither a crime under US law nor under Big ASS regulations.
"Thus this matter is concluded," a testy Nomann announced, "and both athletes should refrain from making reckless accusations." He went on to note that with the shutdown of the country, revenues are down and the expenses of these investigations "threatens the very survival of the institution that made you both famous."
Nomann was about to gavel the court out of session when Hodge's lawyer, Tom Flanagan, announced that they "have another charge."
A flabbergasted Nomann said, "You're kidding."
"No Your Honor," Flanagan retorted. "And this one will not require any further investigation. We have video evidence of Randy Beets admitting to committing three felonies."
Nomann's jaw literally dropped.
"May I approach the bench, Your Honor?"
"You may."
Flanagan then went to the bench and showed Nomann the video that Beets posted on Vicarious Butt Beets."
Nomann immediately announced a court date of May the 22nd "to conclude this new matter," and adjourned the session.
Stay tuned. When this latest matter is adjudicated, this reporter will cover it.
On April 3 of this year, both men filed formal charges against each other. Beets charged Hodge with creating the COVID-19 pandemic in order to gain a competitive advantage. He also accused Hodge of being an invader and a communist.
Hodge, on the other hand, accused Beets of slander and extreme stupidity.
Dr. Nomann, President and CEO of Big ASS Endurance, pronounced that his investigation cleared Hodge of all charges. Furthermore, he added, that although there is sufficient evidence that Beets is indeed "extremely stupid," that is neither a crime under US law nor under Big ASS regulations.
"Thus this matter is concluded," a testy Nomann announced, "and both athletes should refrain from making reckless accusations." He went on to note that with the shutdown of the country, revenues are down and the expenses of these investigations "threatens the very survival of the institution that made you both famous."
Nomann was about to gavel the court out of session when Hodge's lawyer, Tom Flanagan, announced that they "have another charge."
A flabbergasted Nomann said, "You're kidding."
"No Your Honor," Flanagan retorted. "And this one will not require any further investigation. We have video evidence of Randy Beets admitting to committing three felonies."
Nomann's jaw literally dropped.
"May I approach the bench, Your Honor?"
"You may."
Flanagan then went to the bench and showed Nomann the video that Beets posted on Vicarious Butt Beets."
Nomann immediately announced a court date of May the 22nd "to conclude this new matter," and adjourned the session.
Stay tuned. When this latest matter is adjudicated, this reporter will cover it.
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