Verdict

Verdict

By Jay Unver

(Lehrton, Mississippi) Dr. Nomann, President and CEO of Big ASS Endurance, handed out Randy Beets' punishment this morning without a trial. When counsel for Beets protested punishment without a trial, Nomann noted that "this is not a court of law and that Beets' admission of three felonies, even if he was lying for effect on his rival Zane Hodge, is a violation of Association policy and worthy of sentencing." 

Nomann then proceeded to announce Beets' punishment as follows.

1. When pools reopen in Beets' area, he is prohibited from swimming for three days

2. Beets is not allowed to run for four days after quarantine is lifted in his town

3. Beets must vacate one victory over Hodge from their Virtual Swim Meet Series

4. Beets will not receive his gift card to Jimmy's Used Swim Jammers for the 2021 season

5. Beets will be fined one can of potted meat from his 2021 salary 

6. Any change Beets picks up from the bottom of a pool once training legally resumes, must be paid to Big ASS Endurance.

When Counsel for Beets questioned the fine of one can of potted meat, "Why not have him pay it now instead of in 2021, Nomann responded that, "The fine is intended to be punitive, not to have You, Counsel, go to the store and buy and can of potted meat and give it to me."

With that, Nomann admonished both athletes to behave and conduct themselves in a manner that would bring honor to the Association," and dismissed the proceedings.